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by Christine Harvey
Going to the Top
It
was June of 1997. My good friend Hilde Bartlett
and I were on the
high-speed train to Paris following a conference. The next day my husband
Tom would join us and we would all go to the Paris
Air Show. I had a Press
Pass, and the other two would go for client meetings.
Young Moms
Hilde
and I had been young moms when we met 20 years earlier in England. We had
met at a night school. I remember walking into the roomful of people and
spotting her immediately. She oozed enthusiasm as she talked with those
around her.
Since
then we developed a best friend relationship and supported each other
enormously. She started her own company and became Business Woman of the
Year. I’d become an author, speaker and trainer, traveled the world and held
many leadership positions. These were things neither of us had envisioned
20 years earlier.
Supporting Best Friends
Later
when I moved to Belgium and the US, hardly a week went past when we didn’t
talk or fax each other to help support each other’s goals.
It's
a blessing to have a friend like that. A rare treasure in life.
It
had been an interesting morning. We'd been talking about conditions for
women during our train trip. We talked about verbal abuse and how it
diminishes the dignity of people.
I
remember taking my eight-year-old grandson miniature golfing. The man on the
next hole said to his group, “Give her another chance, she’s just a girl.”
‘Just a girl.’ I was shocked.
It Steals From
Self-Esteem
We
felt that there was too much tolerance for verbal abuse among both men and
women. In families. In business.
She
vowed that she would stop it happening around her, and I did too. Rather
like Colonel Manta's philosophy, "Don't lie, cheat or steal or tolerate
those who do."
When
we tolerate demeaning language around us, whether targeted at ourselves or
others, it steals from the quality of life. It steals from the self-esteem
of others. It steals from the very relationship of the people involved. It
leads to a downward spiral.
That Sort of a Morning
And
so that was the sort of morning it was, that gorgeous day in France on the
train together. It was a lovely summer day in Paris, and with time to spare
before the Air Show, we decided to go up to the Eiffel Tower. Little did we
know then, what would transpire, and how it would lead to us being the focus
of worldwide press!
There are three levels you can go up to on the Eiffel Tower
depending
on your height preference. I have a bit of height fright, so I thought I'd
buy tickets to the first and second levels, and see how I’d like it, one
level at a time.
We
waited in a short line for the elevator, and then the guard started
directing us to the level two elevator. No, we explained, we wanted level
one first. At that point he went into a rage, shouting at us in French,
saying that we had a ticket for level two and therefore we must go to level
two first.
His Rage Grew
When
we tried to explain, his rage grew. He grabbed us by the shoulders and
shoved us a distance of about five feet.
The
other guards looked on in dismay.
Hilde
and I walked over to another elevator, and that guard, now aware of the
situation, let us go up to level one with complete charm and grace.
Notice The Problem
As we
were going up the elevator I said to Hilde, "My goodness, that's an example
of verbal abuse if I ever saw one!" She said, "Yes, but it's also physical
abuse." I had been so caught up in his shouting, ranting and raving that it
overshadowed the physical abuse in my mind.
Later
that played a big part in my understanding of society's downfall. If
citizens don't notice what's wrong, they won't take steps to correct it. And
so noticing is the first step.
We had a lovely time at the
Eiffel Tower. After lunch we headed down the elevator again and as we walked
out we looked at each other. Should we file a report about the incident or
let it go? Our time was valuable but if we let it go, the guard would abuse
others the same way. People have patterns. He would do it again and again.
"It's
not good for the reputation of France," I said. "Think of all the tourists
from around the world who can have their vacation badly affected."
Speak Out To The Top
Person
So
instead of ignoring it, we asked where the Director's
office was and went there
at the foot of the tower. The Director was in a meeting, so we wrote a
letter by hand and both signed it.
Use Your Credibility
We
wanted to have the letter be taken seriously, so we signed our titles. After
my name I wrote, Past Chairman
London Chamber of
Commerce. After her name, Hilde wrote Business Women of the Year.
Keep Copies
We
asked for a photocopy of our letter, and kept a copy. After two weeks we had
no answer, so we sent it again. We had an apologetic reply back saying that
the man would go before a tribunal.
Two
weeks later, the world press was in a stir. My secretary, Janet, called me
from London. I was in Los Angeles doing some TV work. “Christine,
Christine,” she said. “The press from all over the world has been calling.
They want to interview you and photograph you. They want Hilde’s number. The
Eiffel Tower is closed. People are striking.”
The
press said that the guard was fired and his colleagues went out in protest.
Thus the tower was closed during the strike. But as the press said it was
not the man's first offense, and our actions prevented others from abuse.
Yes,
it took a few minutes of our time to file the report. But most importantly,
we had to notice the problem, speak up and speak up to the right people.
Don’t Waste Time
Complaining To The Wrong People
The
mistake most people make is doing what I used to do. That is to speak up to
the wrong person.
It's
not good complaining to our friends, our spouse, our neighbor. They have no
power to make the change. They just become frustrated too. Pretty soon we
have a group of frustrated individuals complaining to each other about how
awful it is.
As
Kim Green
owner of Veritas Communications,
says, “Know what you want and what you’re willing to do. Know what kind
of a difference you want to make. Then make it.”
If we
want to change society
for the better, we have to
make our energy and time count. It takes only minutes to pick up the phone
or write a letter to the top person. Yet you can spend hours complaining
unproductively to the wrong people. And at the end, what do you have?
1.
Notice the Problem
2.
Speak Out
3.
Speak Out to the right person—the
one with the ability to create change
Don't waste your time and energy
complaining to friends and family. That only puts society in a further
downward spiral.
Think of a problem around you in society. What needs to be done about it?
Think about what part you can play in changing it.
What credibility can you draw upon in your own background, as Hilde and I
did when we signed the letter?
Who can you team up with to solve a problem? Notice the problem, speak out
and speak out to the right person – the one who can affect change.
Future sections of this book will give you examples and techniques to use.
Use Tuesdays to review the important Three Part Formula for Change.
At
the end of each segment of this chapter, you’ll find an Action Sheet to help
you review and select action steps.
The following segments of this chapter take you on a journey of leadership
styles and actions. Use them for inspiration and ideas to adapt to your own
life.
Remember to notice the problem
Then speak out. And speak out to the right person
ACTION SHEET
Ideas
for Development:
1.
Seek new friends always. Choose those
who stand out in a crowd.
2.
Support your friends by setting goals
together for personal and career growth. Follow up to keep each other on
track.
3.
Notice the problem
XE "notice the problem"
and speak out.
XE "speak out"
4.
Speak out to the top person, the one who
can correct the situation.
5.
Use your credibility when you speak out.
Sign your title or past achievement, such as Past Chairman of Your
Organization. Refer to Chapter Two for ideas.
6.
Keep a copy of your complaint and send
it again if you get no response the first time.
7.
Don't waste your energy complaining to
your friends and colleagues. That will make you sick, them sick and society
sick.
8.
Others...
Of the above ideas, which one
is likely to get the best results? What percentage increase could you expect
if you do this? (Of salary increase, or community change, or quality of
life, etc.)
How long will it take to
develop the idea?
How long will it take to get
results?
Who should be involved?
What date should you start?
What's the first step you
should take?
Want to learn
more? Motivation Marathon, a 4-CD series with Beth Walkup, Sue Dyer
and Hilde Bartlett is still available!
Visit our eShop to get yours.
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