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by Christine Harvey
From 1994 to 1996, I had the opportunity to
work under an extraordinary role model. She exemplified dignity.
'Dignity,' I felt, was a concept little encountered in today's world. Almost
a lost art. Her name was Chief Folake Solanke – a woman who reached heights
in her country and in the world that few people reach, male or female.
I
met her when I was elected Director of Zonta International, a service
organization that then had 36,000 members from 62 countries. Chief Folake
was President. She was Nigerian. But Chairing Boards was not new to her. She
was the first female to chair the Western Nigerian Television Corporation,
and the first female State Commissioner.
One of the things I admired about President Folake was that she used the
word dignity often. "We must give this candidate the dignity she deserves,"
she would say.
But most of all, it was the leadership role modeling I enjoyed. Most people,
who chair meetings, including myself until then, seemed to have a real
'task' orientation in doing it. Not President Folake.
Let Each Person Contribute
For every important issue that came before the Board for consideration, she
would ask each of us to express our opinion.
Slowly and steadily we would each take our turn around the table. Everything
was done with dignity and grace. Each person was heard out, no matter how
their opinion differed from the group.
Even Controversial Votes
Rarely, during those controversial votes did anyone interrupt the speaker.
No, that was our moment to be heard with dignity, and later we would open it
to full blast debate.
Let Your Daughter Know She
Will Be Leader
I
savored those moments watching Folake work. I wondered where she had had her
role modeling and I learned that it was from her father. He let her know
that she would some day be leader.
Folake had chosen to take a law degree. Later when she thought of opening
her own private law firm, she sought her husband's opinion.
Would the people accept a woman with her own law practice? She would be the
first in Western Nigeria.
She remembers her husband's supportive reply. "You're just as good or better
at your profession than any man. Of course people will accept you," he
said.
Think about the two supportive men in Folake's life for a moment. The first
was her father. The second was her husband. Is there any co-incidence here?
Supportive Fathers Lead To
Supportive Husbands
Let's look at the situation in reverse. Psychologists say that women, who
have abusive fathers, marry men who are abusive. It's the pattern they are
used to. All people are drawn to patterns they are used to.
What's the answer? If you're a father and you want your daughter to have a
supportive husband, you must do what Folake’s father did. You must BE a
supportive father. Even if you didn't have a supportive father yourself, you
must learn to be one. You, and only you, can turn the tide in the family
heritage.
And so I cherished those years, working as a Director under Folake as
President. I saw it as a new kind of role modeling in female leadership. As
I sat at Board meetings, I often watched it from a detached perspective,
rather as a life event.
We had Board members from nine different countries, and even though we all
spoke in English, I sometimes felt as if I was the cultural interpreter.
After living abroad for so many years, I could tell what the Europeans meant
which was missed by the Americans, and visa versa.
Give Appreciation To Your
Role Models
But most of all it was watching Folake's genius at spreading dignity that
made the experience worthwhile. I used to watch how she would handle the
cultural dynamics and the personality dynamics. Afterwards I'd reflect on
how I could apply it to my leadership, either then or in the future. Often
I'd write her a thank you note and slip it under her door at the hotel where
we stayed.
Put Yourself in the
Other Person’s Shoes
It's lonely at the top and I wanted her to know I appreciated her grace and
her caring commitment. It's important to support each other that way. Just
put yourself in the other person's shoes, and then you'll know the kind of
support you can give them.
The final role modeling for me, and for the 3500 others attending, was the
way she lead and controlled the international convention. As I think of it
now, I'm even more struck with the importance of role modeling we give each
other. It opens up new horizons and new possibilities.
If you've ever been to an international convention of any kind, especially
one in which delegates debate bylaws, you know how unruly that can be.
Bring Dignity To The Masses
As I sat up on the platform facing the 3500 delegates and guests, I wondered
how Folake would handle it differently than the dozens I've seen in many
organizations before her.
She didn't disappoint me. As each delegate came to the microphone, she
listened with dignity. She responded with words of dignity. Even when the
proposal was considered by most to be extreme, she responded, "Thank you.
You are most gracious. We value your opinion and the concern that you've put
into your proposal. Thank you."
Acknowledge Each Individual
And so by acknowledging each individual for the dedication they brought to
the issue, whether it was popular or not, she brought dignity to the
convention.
Like Sue Dyer, she chose not to see these people as adversaries. She brought
tears to the eyes of the delegates as they heard her caring words.
I
said earlier how important role modeling is. I had been asked many times by
members if I thought I might someday want to run for President of the
organization.
Cutting Down on Controversy
Each time I was asked that question, my mind would jump to the convention
and I would wonder how I would handle it in a way that was comfortable to
me. A way that would cut down the controversy and let everyone leave feeling
united.
Folake gave me that role model. She also gave it to 3500 others. All of us
can go out and emulate the skills we see, in other organizations, companies
and communities.
When we emulate these positive skills, other people start to use them too.
We create a positive upward spiral. That’s why your participation is so
important.
Be Prepared In Advance
At the end of the convention, a fellow Board
member and I got up and read a tribute to President Folake. That brought
more tears to the eyes of the delegates.
We weren't sure we would have the opportunity to present the tribute, but we
prepared it in advance just in case. As so often happens in life, if you are
prepared your opportunity comes.
So in the short time lag while votes were being counted, we gained the time
we needed to honor this unique leader. The fellow Board member who prepared
the tribute with me was Dr. Ingrid Solms from Germany.
She was the same person who watched the US Presidential hearing with me in
Frankfurt and presented a tribute to the female President of Germany
together.
Start a Positive Spiral
Ingrid and I didn't worry about whether this tribute was on the agenda or
not. We felt in our hearts that it needed to be done, and we did it. When
you look around you, you'll see many similar opportunities to acknowledge
the great leaders around you. Your actions will start a positive upward
spiral.
Look For Opportunities
Take a minute to think about the opportunities of life around you. What
organizations can you join which can expose you to incredible role modeling
in leadership? I didn't know where the moving walkway of life would take me
when I joined Zonta many years before that.
But you can be certain that in any worldwide organization, you will have
tremendous opportunity for exposure to role modeling, for leadership and
personal growth.
One thing is for certain. You never know where the moving walkway of life
will take you if you don't step onto the walkway.
Remember
that using dignity as part of your leadership style,
brings
high leadership returns
ACTION SHEET
Ideas
for Development:
1.
When
chairing meetings, insist that each person contribute their opinions on
major issues.
2.
Maintain a
decorum of dignity
so that each person is heard and honored.
3.
Treat your
children as if they will be leaders... leaders who use dignity.
4.
If you are
a father and want your daughter to marry a supportive husband, then be a
supportive father.
5.
Write
notes to leaders you admire and say why you appreciate them as role models.
6.
If you are
chairing a large controversial convention, use verbal gratitude to all who
contribute.
7.
Follow
your heart. Be prepared give a tribute or any other presentation. If you are
prepared, your opportunity will come.
8.
Others...
Of the above
ideas, which one is likely to get the best results? What percentage increase
could you expect if you do this? (Of salary increase, or community change,
or quality of life, etc.)
How long
will it take to develop the idea?
How long
will it take to get results?
Who should
be involved?
What date
should you start?
What's the
first step you should take?
Want to learn
more? Motivation Marathon, a 4-CD series with Beth Walkup, Sue Dyer
and Hilde Bartlett is still available! More than three hours of conversation
with Christine Harvey about
How they create success, joy
and prosperity in their lives without loosing the adventure.
Visit our
eShop
to get your 4-CD set now!
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